Hello friends! Simply put, it's been a rough week for me.
This past week, I've felt extremely emotionally discouraged.
Ever since ending my three year long relationship a few months ago, I lost a group of individuals who I considered to be another half of my family. My side was never heard, never understood. And not only did I lose that group of people I cared about, but as the summer continued, I found myself feeling like an outcast more and more. Some friendships faded, some luckily mended themselves again. But overall, this excluded feeling has been getting to me. It's been making me feel like I keep messing up, like no one likes me, like I don't belong. Like I just want to move somewhere where no one knows who I am.
It's been hard for me to bring myself to blog about it because I sometimes worry that I sound too whiny, too sorry for myself. But in reality, talking about it and earning understanding is what makes me feel better. So instead of immediately blogging about it, I posted a question on my Instagram story:
I posed the question, "How do you handle those moments where you feel like you're the most alone?" First off, let me clarify, there is a difference between physically being alone and feeling alone, or "lonely". Lately, even though I'm frequently surrounded by people at my two jobs and school, I feel so lonely. I feel misunderstood, too in my head about things. It's been bogging me down.
And I expected one, maybe two responses. Just from other openly anxious individuals such as myself. I just wanted to see how others handle this feeling. And little did I know, a lot of people would actually give their input. Of course, I kept all responses anonymous. But I think they're important to share, and I appreciate everyone who took the time to share their stories.
first, a lot of you mentioned playlists and nature
All of these points are key. Exercise, fresh air, sunshine--being outside in general is already a big deal to anxious or depressed individuals. And this is why it's easier for some of us to feel lonely compared to others. It's just the way we're wired. But if we add music, nature, and animals into our lives, there's definitely a big possibility of improvement. I know that whenever I'm in an exercising kick, I'm usually feeling more confident and open. But this semester, I've almost felt too busy to work out. I know--excuses, excuses. But that's most likely one of the reasons I'm not feeling the best.
If you're mentally happy, if you're content with yourself, you never truly feel lonely. And that's where I'm still struggling. I still lack confidence in myself. I'm in charge of my own mental health and I struggle to take the physical steps of working out and getting fresh air to help me through this.
However, despite this irresponsibility, music helps me a ton. One of my favorite things to do is put on Sam Smith or maybe even Ella Eyre's "We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off" and just sing my little heart out in my car before and after work/school. Not that I'm worried about my singing abilities, but just letting all of my stresses and worries out in song makes me feel so much lighter. No shame in that.
others of you mentioned being honest with your feelings
The first of these responses references discovering that certain relationships around that individual were actually toxic. Once you come to terms with the reality that a certain relationship is toxic, it's in your hands to decide whether you want to subject yourself to that any longer, or if it's best to leave. That's something I still struggle with, and probably the key reason I feel lonely--a lot of my friendships are crumbling because they're unstable relationships. It's why my relationship with my ex needed to end. You grow to think that a certain treatment is normal and justified, but after you decide to be selfish and step away for a bit, you come to realize that you deserve better. You deserve love and loyalty. Whether it be a friendship or a relationship. But the first step is always honesty within yourself to decide "am I worth it?" and " do I deserve better?" And the answer to both is yes.
As for the second response, as blunt as it may seem, it's actually a great response. Crying is human, crying is healthy. I'm a big crier. When you have the chance, let yourself experience the emotions. It's not healthy to bottle them up. Release them and then grow stronger over them.
As for the third point, writing is something that helps me come to terms with my struggles. It helps me when I transcribe them because not only can I better understand myself and grow, but other people might relate to what I discuss and feel less alone. And as for meditation, it's tricky! It's harder to practice than how people chalk it up to be. But it definitely helps when I can actually bring myself to do it. For sure worth a try!
keeping the mind busy with responsibilities and hobbies
Like I mentioned when I responded to these on Instagram, a lot of people may find it odd that I'm so open about my struggles on my blog. Well, it's because my blog is made up of all things that I love--photography, writing, my interests, mental health, and helping you guys! It's allowed me to grow as a person, and, like I mentioned earlier, it allows me to better understand myself. My blog consists of my hobbies, and I'd love for it to be a job one day. So I tend to keep myself busy with my weekly posts on here.
And, of course, my two jobs and school. They definitely take my mind off the lonely thoughts and actually allows me to meet new people and to interact with new faces every day. Getting out of my comfort zone is something that helps me feel more confident and keeps my mind and body busy.
and, lastly, having a support system of some kind
Whether they be close friends or online friends, having people who take time to check on you or to answer your calls is key. I have several blogger friends from all across the globe who keep up with my blog and check on me via social media. That's something that creates a genuine appreciation and connection between people and makes me feel less lonely, especially when those around you might be busy or asleep and not available to answer your calls.
As for local friends, number doesn't matter. As long as you have one or two close friends, that's what counts. Loyal friends who look out for you and truly care about you. The ones who appreciate you for being you.
Thank you all so much for reading and thank you to those wonderful people who joined the discussion! Your input opened my eyes and I'm sure they helps others as well. Should we do this more often?