Hello friends! It's been over a week since I wrote my last blog post. I feel so guilty for skipping a week but life has just been so busy on my end. But I'm finally back and ready to pour myself out to you all some more!
Oddly enough, my last blog post was about loneliness. And this week's post is finally a more in-depth description of said loneliness.
It's been a hot minute since I posted anything to the "love" category of my blog, but I feel like writing this is important. I know a lot of people in my life right now who are going through heartbreak and sometimes it's just nice to talk about it all.
So as I've been cryptically mentioning on the blog for months, I broke off my three-year-long relationship at the beginning of June. It's still weird to come to terms with it, but it happened. And it was a hard choice to make. I've been questioned about why I ended it and how it makes sense that I'm experiencing heart break, since it was my decision after all.
Out of respect for him, I'm not going to publicly discuss the details. But I will, however, acknowledge that I loved him, but lost trust and security in our relationship. The events that led up to feeling insecure in my relationship were hard on my emotional well-being and made me lose confidence in my own self. This is why I made the difficult decision to end my relationship with my first real love--because I recognized that I was in an unhealthy situation. I loved him, but gradually I became his lesser half, and I didn't realize it until the second time he broke my trust.
I started out by taking breaks away from him for a week or more at a time, allowing myself time to step out of the relationship temporarily to evaluate the situation. And the more time I spent away, the more I realized that there were issues that he and I needed to solve apart. So in time, I ended it. It took a few tries, but I finally mustered up the courage to be honest with myself.
So, for my first piece of advice: evaluate the situation. Think about what you want, about what you're feeling when you're with that person, when you're apart. Be brutally honest with yourself about your needs and desires. Seek love out for yourself and ask yourself if what you're experiencing in your relationship is healthy or unhealthy, then try to find the courage to take action to find your happier path.
No matter which side you're on in the breakup process, there's always a looming feeling of heartbreak. You may still miss the other person, their family, the routine you used to have, having that designated person to spend every waking minute with. Maybe you just feel lonely and miss the human touch. Am I being too dramatic with this one...or too honest?
The next thing to keep in mind is, as I mentioned in my loneliness post: you are human. Humans feel emotions constantly, but we don't always give ourselves permission to experience those, to cope with them. Maybe we feel ashamed. Maybe we're in denial. You might feel like you made a mistake by stepping out of a toxic relationship, but that's most likely just fear--fear of being alone. Fear of being rejected by the next one. Fear of never finding that connection ever again. You may feel nauseous imagining your ex moving on quickly, as if you never existed. I know the feeling. You may be fine through the day until you're alone at night. I also know this feeling. There's so many emotions that you just have to allow yourself to process at whatever speed you need. Don't rush yourself. Speak to a therapist, vent to a close friend. But trust in yourself that you're taking the steps that you need to move forward in your life to be happy.
I'm still taking things day by day, getting used to being alone. I'm embracing being alone, trying to better understand myself before I try to understand another love. Remembering what once was still hurts, but I also know that I made my decision to save my mental health before I felt like I was slipping away into nothing. I know that what I did was the best option for me. And sometimes it's crucial to make those "selfish" decisions.
I'm still on my self love journey, and I hope you are too, whether you're single or taken! Embrace this new chapter in your life, despite how scary it may seem. Be proud of how courageous you are, and keep taking your time to process your feelings. You can do this.
If you need a safe space to vent, feel free to fill out a contact form! I'm not a therapist, but I'm here to listen as a friend.
Thank you all for checking in today and I hope you keep on grinning.