Hello friends. So lately I've had a lot on my mind. This post is being written at 1:24a.m. I'M STILL AWAKE. So this might not be your cup of tea, but I think it's crucial to get off my chest. So today is the day when I get a bit more personal with you guys.
So when Grant broke up with me earlier last month, I was heartbroken. That lead me to write the post about breakups. Grant told me he would still want to be my friend. I try talking to him a lot, but he won't respond and doesn't look me in the eye. People witness me attempting to save our friendship and see him treat me like I'm dirt. Welp, after this Spring Break ended up being a night mare, I decided to get the drama with Grant either resolved or completely stopped. I can't handle petty stuff. I have too much going on.
Now, don't get me wrong, I really care about Grant. But he's been acting different lately. Since when has he avoided me like this? I thought he valued our friendship! Tired of worrying, I messaged him today. My messages started out with me sounding sort of insane, but towards the end, that's what I want you to focus on. I'm proud of myself for standing up for my feelings, even though he went offline. But I told him what I want. That since he's not helping this situation, I might need to drop him for my own well-being, and my own health (anxiety is a disorder, people). He isn't good for me. And it hurts me to drop him, but he is not the same person I used to know and truly admire.
The messages read:
Me: "Thanks for walking away when I was trying to talk to you. I honestly don't know why you think it's okay to treat me in [that] way, or when you thought you were too high and mighty to talk to me. I don't know who you've been hanging out with lately but you've been acting different, completely shutting me out. I just wanted to be friends again and you're completely ignoring that fact. So I'm asking that you take a moment to have a mature conversation with me about this. Because if you have a problem with me, tell me. If not, stop acting like you do. Thanks. And do you want to know what I realized? Your life is perfect. That's why you think I'm too much to handle. Whether you were my boyfriend or whether you were my friend, I would have talked to you the same amount. Because talking to people keeps me afloat. It keeps me distracted from all the bull crap I have to deal with at home that you've never dealt with before. So stop treating me like dirt because I've had things much worse than you. I want my friend back, the one who made me excited for lunch time just so I could sit next to him. So I get that you have this impression that I talk too much (which, yeah, this is a paragraph) but there are so many other...people I know who message me every day now. They actually appreciate talking to me and initiating conversation. And they don't think I'm too talkative. And I appreciate those people because they appreciate me. So since I've dealt with so much bull crap over a week's time, I decided to settle this too. Because whatever this lack of communication is, is bull crap. Figure it out. Do you or do you not want to speak to me?"
Him: "Just because I wanted to go to class and didn't really wanna talk at that time doesn't mean I have a perfect life or treat you like dirt. I don't want to talk about the subject at all."
Me: "Ever since you dumped me I've tried talking to you and you never look me in the eye and hardly respond. It's all cruel. And you never want to talk about anything serious. Because I've dealt with so many horrible events over break, so this rude way you're treating me is something I'd like to discuss. Can you do that? Can we just settle it so I have one thing I can stop worrying about?"
Him: "I said I do not wish to talk about the subject personally."
Me: "Why? You don't ever wish to talk about anything anymore. I get that you don't want drama, but your lack of speaking is the thing that's truly hurting me here. So please."
Him: "I said it nicely twice please respect my side as well."
Me: "Are you respecting mine, though? I miss my friend. That's all. But apparently that means nothing since you can't even talk to me right now. So thanks for making me emotional again. But oops! I'm not allowed to tell you any of that since I'm too dramatic. But I also can't try to cheer myself up because I'm too darn peppy. Welp, now I suppose I'm in a pickle. But don't talk about it then. We won't discuss anything you don't want to discuss. Because although it would help my life immensely you just don't have the time of day to handle it. And maybe I sound unreasonable right now, but that's because I'm hurt and I'm done with you walking all over me, not letting me express MY feelings, and just being a selfish person in general. This is not the same Grant I knew...you care so little about my feelings that you aren't responding...I'm disappointed in you Grant. I still care about our friendship..."
What's your opinion? Did I handle it fairly well? What would you do in this situation? Leave your comments below. -Lydia