Before I dive in, please consider checking out these resources: - See funding options for fighting COVID-19 here. - Support the BLM movement with these fundraisers.
Hello friends! Welcome to 2021, a year that's started off strange, but will hopefully pan out okay. I guess that's the official tagline so far.
Despite all of the crazy political happenings thus far, I noticed I haven't been feeling the best about life in general. I ended 2020 feeling creatively inspired and generally content, but as we've gotten a couple weeks into 2021, I've found myself feeling off. And it's something I'm probably going to speak to my doctor about soon (as it could be medically related...who knows!).
So for context, in my last post of 2020, I was very honest about the different aspects of my anxiety. And I think those separate components are starting to clash at this moment in time and are making me feel constantly on edge, stressed, even angry. I've been finding myself feeling low, and then making it worse by reminding myself of past traumas and conflicts.
If your brain attacks you like mine feels like it's doing to me right now, you might find yourself feeling like a burden to others, feeling like you can't vent, feeling like you can't talk about or even endure your current struggles. Sometimes, feeling this way makes me feel like I'm being selfish or even dramatic. But the thing is, when you feel like this, you need to try to remember that it's okay to not be okay; to give yourself permission to feel. That's the blessing of the human experience.
When I find myself angry about literally any trigger, it can be hard to remind myself that this feeling will pass. I start to make it worse by reminding myself of anything or anyone who has ever wronged me. Like this week, for example, I went back through the instagram page of my old job. It made my blood boil because not only did I not feel happy in that moment, but I was making myself feel like I wasn't good enough back when I worked there. And I used to love that job. After that, I found myself angry that former design clients refused to pay me. It was one thing after another. And I was just making myself feel worse by checking in on those people.
So in that moment, I was upset about multiple things that were and still are out of my control. But at this point in time, I have an amazing job, amazing coworkers, an amazing apartment, and amazing friends. And the thing is, as much as I appreciate these blessings, it's still okay to feel pain. But I just need to try to cope with it in a healthier way.
For example, maybe I should step away from the damn instagram pages. Maybe I should talk to someone. Or maybe I should use a creative outlet, like writing. And that's when I started taking little notes about how I wanted to write this blog post. I knew this was something I wanted to talk about, and something I wanted to grow from, instead of holding me down. I wanted to turn my random anger into a learning experience, and a reminder that you can't always help your emotions in the moment, but you can definitely channel them into something positive.
This week, I wasn't treating myself nicely. But I have to remind myself: I am human, I am imperfect. It doesn't make me a burden. And things will get better.
And this can also be said for anyone who isn't happy right now. Maybe you're struggling to meet your goals, maybe you're breaking some new years resolutions, etc. Just give yourself permission to feel, but be kind to yourself also. You deserve it.
Remember friends: This brain, even if you're frustrated with how it works right now, is the same brain that thrives when the world around you just feels right. It's the same brain that feels genuine happiness when you're in a perfect breeze, even if it's just for a moment. It's the same brain that triggers goosebumps of awe, and the same brain that reminisces on cheesy jokes that still make you laugh. It's the same brain that feels passion, that feels empathy. The same can be said about our bodies. If you're struggling to feel body-positive while you're maybe trying different health regimes, detoxes, or training sessions, keep in mind: Even if you don't like how your body looks or feels in this moment, it will get better. You just have to treat yourself well. Because this is the same body that you'll feel content and healthy in later.
Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Because you know what? You deserve it.