A Cluttered Mind

Hello friends!
Sorry that it's once again been ages since I've posted. I've just had a lot of things going on and things have just been intense.

   While I've been snapchatting fun adventures from weekends with Tyler, my internal struggles take place during the week days, when I don't get to see him. I know that my happiness can't just come from seeing him, but don't worry. It's not. Although he is an amazingly huge part of my life and although I love him dearly, I'm not too dependent on him for my happiness. Rather, I start every week with a positive attitude, but then...school happens.

   I used to love going to school. My teachers are amazing. But lately, things have been off. The large circle of friends I thought I had, now fail to acknowledge my presence in the halls and in the classrooms. I'll walk past one of them, and I'll give them a smile, but they look straight ahead and proceed to ignore me.

   Now, I'm not trying to trash these people. But I'm just genuinely clueless, because it's like, I'll check snapchat and literally all of them are together. Every time. And I'm unfortunately never invited. And maybe it's because I'm assumedly hanging out with Tyler during the weekend, but you know, it never hurts to ask. Because sometimes I don't see him until later in the evenings. *Shrugs* 

   With a large amount of my friends leaving my side, I've been feeling like...well, nothing. I've felt alone and unimportant. I get it, it's high school. This stuff happens. But I'm one to take things pretty personally. Also, people make it blatantly obvious that they don't want to talk to me by walking away and/or not responding. Ugh. Hurtful stuff, man.

   On top of my friends' ignoring me, acquaintances are even ignoring me. I tried to say hello to a peer in the hallway, but he looked at me, then just kept on walking. Sheesh, brotha'. Leavin' me hangin'!

   On top of these unfortunate events, I've felt so unmotivated lately. I haven't felt motivated to plan my future, to clean my room more deeply (even though I surprisingly did that fairly recently), or to even blog! Blogging is my passion, and planning for my future is so important. Why haven't I felt like myself? Do I still have the "Winter blues"?


   After discussing all of this with my boyfriend and after messaging Alexandra Spence (Larkspur Vintage), I figured--why not blog about this? It would be a great start in trying to better my mood and it would clue readers in on what in the world I've been up to. Folks, I've had a lot on my mind lately. I feel horrible to taking so long to post, but I'm going to try to get back into it again. I want to get back into the program. I get it. I'm not popular, I'm not the most outgoing person. But I am human, and I do try to speak up and to create friendships with many of my peers. And I don't think anyone should feel ashamed of trying to say a simple hello, you know? So for the remainder of my senior year, I want to try to make note of the positives in every day. I want to strengthen bonds with those friends of mine who have actually stayed by my side and who have not simply walked away. I'm a human. I have my flaws. Maybe I'm talking to much to you about how much I admire my boyfriend; maybe I'm repeating a story I've already told you about my cat. I'm an awkward soul, but also a capable soul. I just like conversing with my peers. But now it's time to become more organized. Now it's time to plan when I'm going to blog, to get more sleep at night, and to finally get around to cleaning up my room.

I want to thank all of you for being so patient since the last time I posted and for reading this post. I'm going to try to make the most of my senior year. I'll keep you guys posted on how my thinking positively ends up working out. Warmer weather is coming around, so I'm ready to spend more time outdoors. And I'll try to get on a regular schedule for you guys and gals. Add me on Snapchat to check out what I'm doing on a random day (LydiaBofydia). I plan on trying out live-streaming soon, so stay tuned for that. It's a big deal! Thanks again for checking in. :)

-Lydia