Eyes of The Beholder

Hello friends.
Today's post is more blue. But as my blog is intended to do, I shall show positivity through this as well in some way.

   So today was one of those days where I just felt bad about myself. And I hate when this sort of thing happens and I typically don't talk about it on the blog but I just want to be real with you guys. I'm human, I have insecurities. Whenever I feel this way I try remember that. I try to remember that I need to embrace who I am. Yet, I still have these days where I unconsciously compare myself to others.

   So yes, I am one to compare myself to others. I've been better about it lately, but I still have these days where I just become sad. Something about my appearance may bother me and someone else may have a seemingly flawless appearance.
   One thing that frustrates me, for example, is my skin. I catch people staring on occasion. However lately, I've been wearing no makeup on my arms; I've been better about accepting how they look. But I still do have those moments when I just look at them and feel a lump in my throat. (By the way, if you don't know what I'm talking about, my arms have scars on them. I can write a blog post on it if you'd like. In summary, these scars are from nervously scratching while dealing with my anxiety. I've had this issue since elementary school.)

   I'm the type of person who, if I'm feeling blue, I talk to someone about it. In this situation, I can be hesitant. Because it seems like every time I talk about it someone thinks it's a cry for attention. When in reality it's not.
   Today, for example, my friends were talking about another peer, about how perfect and talented she is. I agree, she's wonderful. She's one of my closest friends as well. And I give her props for being so talented. But having my friends talk about it in front of me so often sort of ruins my self esteem. I'm not extremely talented. I have flaws. I didn't dress up today at school, so that was another thing that made me feel unattractive. So, feeling buried in this pit of uncontrollable self consciousness, I told my friends what was on my mind. And from that, I was hurt more. They responded with nasty tones, saying Seriously though, you're really complaining about your appearance again? You know you're pretty. Stop.
   Maybe they intended for that to have a positive tone. But I received the opposite. They proceeded to respond in a similar manner but did say nicer things. But even with those kinder comments, they kept the more irritated tone. I kept telling them that I wasn't saying that to fish for compliments but they most likely did not believe me. So I decided just to keep my mouth shut for the remainder of the period.

   I believe as humans, we have the (unfortunate) right to feel pain. To feel anything, for that matter. And we shouldn't be judged for feeling poorly. If I have the bravery to open up about my feelings on a particular day such as this, I do not believe I should be discouraged even more. It is a shame society and the media create such a difficult standard for beauty. But I am willing to teach myself to appreciate my appearance. We all have insecurities, and we should not judge each other on them. We need to learn to love each other, not to put ourselves down. My dear friend Adam told me recently to look in the mirror and to say to myself, "I am beautiful." If that's what it takes to appreciate who I am, I'm willing to try it. Will you be one to join me in the journey to self-acceptance, or will you be one to judge?

Thank you for reading everyone. Like I mentioned, I try to stay on the positive route. With this conflict, I'm still trying to grasp a way to create positivity. Have any advice for me and for others? Leave a comment below! Every smile is beautiful, so keep on grinning. <3
-Lydia