How I Re-Center Myself

Hello friends,
It's tough being an anxious guy. I'll be the first to say it. I know, super controversial.

   Something I've learned about myself through the years, stemming from my childhood and through my generalized anxiety, is that I have major caretaker tendencies. I always fixate on those around me, trying to ensure everyone is doing well, or else I feel like I can't be at ease. And let me tell you, it's a blessing and a curse. I'm happy I'm a caring person. I'm happy to do things for others, because making others feel well makes me proud. I don't want other folks to feel the wound up nerves that I do, so I don't mind to be selfless here and there. But where it's a curse is where I totally forget about myself. I get consumed in my surroundings, and feel a major disconnect from my mind, body, and soul. This disconnect comes in waves. It's not super often, but when it happens, it can last for a week or two at a time.

   I've been seeing a new therapist, and have also tried some very basic level shadow work, to help pull me out of this last wave I went through. So for today's post, I want to share some of the things I've been learning and doing to re-center myself.

Learning I Can Only Control Myself

   It's tough, but the first thing to remember is that we only actually have control over ourselves. That sentiment always makes me feel a bit of tenseness, but then a wave of relief. I can't actually control how other people are feeling or doing. I can only control myself. If there's conflict, I can decide how to proceed. I can involve myself in it, or I can remove myself and let it settle on its own. But there's some relief of not being in control of as much. It allows me to slow down, to think before I react, and to protect my sanity, if you will. I don't have to use as much of my energy to sort things out that I don't have control of as it is, so why am I worried about it? Take a step back.

​Writing Down My Thoughts

   Journaling has been a lifesaver for me the past couple months. I originally used my phone's notes app, and still do if I have an influx of random anxieties that day. Similar to the DuoLingo concept, I like that journaling allows me to unplug from everything else and be present with myself. And sometimes I feel like a broken record with my worries, at least from what I've written in my phone. So when it comes to journaling, I've taken a new approach this time. I researched Shadow Work prompts, and printed out a list of 100 prompts for myself to reference. This has made it a lot more insightful and digestible to sit and write. It gives me a path to follow.

   If you're unfamiliar with Shadow Work, it's basically a concept of uncovering things about yourself you might not have realized you've been suppressing. Usually they're things people consider "bad" qualities, like being insecure or being jealous. But in reality, those aren't inherently bad, they're just human qualities. Shadow Work helps you uncover those parts of you, so you can integrate them with the parts you do proudly associate with, to better understand yourself and to feel more comfortable and forgiving towards yourself. One of the prompts, for example, was "Do you struggle to show yourself compassion? How does showing yourself compassion make you feel?" Something as simple as these questions opened my eyes to the fact that I'm not super gracious with myself. I'm a perfectionist, and am more gracious to those around me than to myself. I know realistically that I'm allowed to make mistakes, but I put major pressure on myself. This pressure, which I call my bully brain, stems from somewhere, and these prompts are meant to bring that realization to light and to help me learn to give myself grace and love.

   I still do use my notes app on my phone for some things. If I'm actively anxious, I can sit and sort out what I'm specifically worried about versus what's more logically happening. It's about challenging feelings with facts, another notion my therapist is encouraging me to do. I also use my notes app every morning to do something my friend Micaela from run group recommended to me. She told me to write down at least three things I've grateful for each morning. I've been at it for 17 days in a row now, and it definitely helps me wake up on a more positive note that I would if the first thing I allowed was for bully brain to replay things about myself that make me cringe.

Slipping Back Into a Structured Routine

   My therapist and I made a little action plan for me during my last appointment. My goal is to improve at self-soothing my nerves. One of the ways we decided we'd measure progress is that I'd be back to eating healthier and be back on my regimented schedule. When I slip into anxious spurts, it's easy for me to get distracted. But the more distracted I get, there's a chain reaction. I start spending money more frivolously, I start distracting myself more with YouTube instead of any creative hobbies. I even see it in my health, where I'm eating less healthy foods and I'm less motivated to do my workouts. Truth is, that same chain reaction where I feel myself falling down the slope, is the same reaction that'll occur to get up the slope. If I discipline myself, get back into my regular gym and running schedule, I'll feel more inclined to eat well, which will help me sleep better and perform better. And that'll give me an energy boost to help me in all areas of my life, like with work flow, general creativity, and with fitness motivation.

   Whenever I slip out of that routine, it feels difficult to get back on track, especially if it's mid-week and I haven't done something as simple as meal-prep. So having my ducks in a row becomes natural as time goes on. I've heard the saying "there's freedom in discipline", and it's true. With discipline, there comes a certain point where I don't have to think about taking care of myself and feeling good. It's just a part of the natural flow of things. It's a way to love myself and to continue to grow, even if it's ongoing in the background.

Learning Something New(ish)

   Something new I added into my daily routine was DuoLingo. I know there are memes about the dreaded owl, but it's honestly super easy to get into the swing of it. I took four years of Spanish in high school, but obviously some of that knowledge starts slipping if you don't use it regularly. So this month, I've spent a lot of time refreshing myself on Spanish. It's just something I can set time aside for each day to focus on my brain, instead of anything else. It's simple, but I feel like having that daily lesson helps me unplug from everything else and improve on my own self. Find something you can chip away at each day! 

​Going on Adventures

   This is my way of connecting with my inner child. When I was a kid, I loved to go outside and play in the woods, the fields, the creek. Whether I was with my siblings or on my lonesome, being in nature always allowed my imagination to run wild. Even when I was getting too old for toys, I remember having a hard time understanding how everyone else had an easier time giving up that imaginative side. But being present in the woods allowed me to feel that same sort of joy. So even as an adult, I look for this whimsical feeling when I go on trail runs, solo hikes, or if I explore a new town. Running is my new favorite way to explore, so even if I'm driving one town over to do a run in the main strip (like I did this morning), I feel alive. I'm no longer in a car taking a quick glace as I drive by. I'm on my feet, taking things slow, watching the plants around me bloom, smelling the auras of small shops, taking side streets to explore even further. 

   Find that thing that makes you feel connected to the joys of your childhood. Play in the dirt, jump in the puddle, paint, play sports. This always helps me re-center and feel a spark, after days of feeling absent and disconnected.

​Re-Grouping with Loved Ones

   Connect with the people you love. This is something I have remind myself to do sometimes. If life gets busy, I might not realize how long it's been since I've sat down and caught up with friends and loved ones. And sometimes that quick catch-up is all it takes to help bring you back down to earth after you've felt hyper vigilant or dissociated.  If you're all cooped up within your mind for weeks, being open with those around you might help. Whether I open up about my anxiety, or if I just talk about the latest and greatest, conversing helps me feel a bit grounded again.

​We're all a work in progress. Sometimes when I write these posts, I'm on the inside of a anxious wave. Sometimes I've just gotten through it and made it on top. But when I learn something that helps, it makes me feel better to document it so it can help both you, and future me. I hope this helps.

Keep on grinning!
​Lyd