Hello friends! Considering tomorrow is the first of January, I thought I'd discuss my New Year's resolution.
Yeah, I get it. New Year's Resolutions are often ignored and forgotten. But this one won't be forgotten. Because I've been trying it out, and it's already impacting me tremendously.
So, since I last did a lifestyle type of post, a lot has happened, mentally. I mean, there were a few weeks that I didn't have my anxiety meds. So I've just been readapting to them since last taking them. And, like most medications, these take a little while to get settled into. I'm just a bit anxious lately--thinking about a lot of fears, worrying about where my life will go.
And it's not just that, it's just been stress from school in general. This is my first year taking A.P. classes. And preparing for exams a couple weeks ago have been a nightmare for my mental health. I started breaking down nearly every night, giving up on studying, and feeling more and more dependent on my boyfriend and close friends for emotional support. Hopefully I'll be more mentally prepared for my second-semester exams after experiencing the terror of those first-semester exams. Yeesh.
This Winter break has been very good to me. I mean, I've been able to get decent sleep, to blog (when my wifi cooperates), to spend time with my dear friends and family...I've needed this break from school. But something's still off--I'm still too dependent on my boyfriend for emotional support. So, hypothetically, if he were to walk away from me tomorrow and never speak to me again (which I hope he does not, since he is a total gem), I'd be a wreck.
So I spoke to my love about it, because communication is a smart thing, yanno? And he was sweet, but honest. He recommended I spend time with my other good friends, since he can't see me every night. But then I realized--I don't have many friends. Knowing this, I started feeling extremely depressed and reached out to people. And there was hope.
I recently got an Instagram (follow GrinsAndNeedles, if you wanna). And I happen to follow a girl who goes to my school who I've actually never spoken to in person. Her name will remain anonymous in this post. Anyways, in my opinion, she looks like a YouTuber I watch. So I messaged her a photo of the YouTuber, telling her it was her doppelganger. And that one photo sparked a conversation that lasted a couple days, actually. We discussed makeup, YouTube channels, extracurricular activities...and something that really comforted me--anxiety. We both have anxiety! And it turns out, she and I cope in similar ways, and we experience extremely similar things (including dream-like feelings and insomnia). It was/is absolutely nuts to have randomly reached out to a person I have so much in common with!
Anyways, this incident gives me hope. Hope for new friendships. There are so many people out there, so many amazing people. And after such a dark, difficult time, this conversation with my new Instagram friend comforted me. It helped me realize that I'm not alone.
In conclusion, I realized my New Year's resolution: I want to create more happiness. I need to open myself up more, to overcome some of my simple anxieties, and to keep relationships strong with those whom I love and adore. And I don't just want to create happiness for myself, but for those around me.
For my family: I want to better myself. I want to motivate myself to keep up on chores, to see my beautiful grandma (and Mike) more often, and to stay in my room less often.
For my boyfriend: I want to be there for you. I want to help you when you're sick, to calm you when you're troubled, and to experience many new things with you.
For my friends: I want to make time for you. I want to make you smile, to help support you through tough times, and to embrace my last year of high school with you.
And for you, my new friends, my blog readers: I want to connect with you. I want you to be open with you guys more often, to encourage creativity, and to promote confidence in every single one of you.
Thank you all for such an amazing year on Grins & Needles. Your support keeps me going. Keep in mind, I'm doing my event My Very Hairy January where I'm posting many different hair tutorials and things. So feel free to request any hair tutorial below! What are some New Year's Resolutions that you have? -Lydia