Hello friends! Sometimes I think it's important to just write something casual, something spontaneous, and something honest.
I wanted to talk about this Summer.
There were a lot of changes I made and things that I achieved and I think it's significant enough to talk about. Not only do I want to talk about the things I changed about myself this summer, but also the things that summer changed for me. So for this post, I found it appropriate to use photos that I posted on my instagram to go back through the memories of this past season.
As you may know, I changed jobs at the very end of May. I can confidently say it was the best decision I've made for my mental health. My previous job was something that I had originally loved, but was quickly taking a toll on me and was giving me horrible work anxiety as well as heightening insecurities. I began feeling belittled and it was really unhealthy for someone with my delicate anxiety to be in that situation. I didn't hate the job itself, but there were just some instances that made it a challenge to go there everyday. I don't want to give too many specifics, because I appreciate and respect the business itself, but through my last couple of weeks there (just as I had found out I got my current job), I began hearing racist comments from two or three of my coworkers They spewed racial stereotypes and almost acted as is it was their goal to get under my skin. And that was only at the end of my time there.
Not only did I hear racist comments from the coworkers who were my age, but I was also constantly scolded by management in front of the customers. If I ever messed anything up, one of my managers liked to ask me if I'm deaf or if I just don't know how to listen. Gradually this made me more and more anxious, causing me to somehow mess things up even more (mess things up meaning putting plants on the wrong table--something as small as that was a no-no), thus leading to me getting scolded harder and way more often. It's okay to be a tough boss, but it was a struggle for me considering I'm a bit more fragile than others.
I never told my bosses the true reason why I left, because I did enjoy working there but my anxiety just got too easily triggered every single day. I didn't feel ashamed of having anxiety, and I still don't, but it's just been hard to open up about this without sounding like I'm pointing a finger at them.
Again, I really do respect their business and how well they care for plants. They taught me so much and I made sure to tell them how much I appreciated that. I'm in no way trying to bash them (If you've noticed I refuse to name what business I worked at because, like I said, business-wise they're doing nothing wrong and I do respect them). But things got pretty harsh at a point and I guess I'm just trying to document that for myself and for others who maybe feel similar anxieties in their workplace. If something is taking a toll on your mental health, know that you are not alone and that there are other options.
I worked there for maybe six months, but it wasn't until the second half of my time there where I felt constantly knocked down. I would go to my car on my lunch breaks and just cry to myself. I knew from there that it wasn't a healthy situation, and that I needed to make a change.
I remember sitting at the table with my boyfriend applying for maybe a dozen different jobs in Huber Heights and Springfield. I would get frustrated and walk away on occasion, but Tyler would stand beside me and just put his arm around me, encouraging me to keep going. He and I both knew how hard it was becoming for me to stay in that environment. It was hard because I genuinely did enjoy working there and did learn a lot, but some management and younger employees made me feel small.
A few days later, I got a phone call during my shift. It was a call from my soon-to-be (now current) job. I ran outside without hesitation to answer the call because I knew how important it was to just say yes to this. So I did. And I've fortunate to meet amazing people at my new job who are kind to each other. A true team who makes me feel welcomed and who I can actually call my friends. Don't get me wrong, I had some amazing friends at my previous job, but I've never worked with so many other coworkers who are all completely respectful of me and of my anxieties. And it helps me feel relaxed enough to confidently work without fear that I'll be criticized or mocked.
So right at the beginning of summer, I got to say goodbye to my old job, and hello to the start of something new, and something I've been loving for the past few months that I've been there, now.
Around this same time, I've spontaneously decided to become a vegetarian. I know, there really isn't any correlation. I just woke up one morning and decided that, for moral reasons, I wanted to stop eating meat. Sure there's a lot of great dishes that include meat, but there's also plenty of healthy substitutes for it!
I'm someone who is terrified of trying new foods, but with my boyfriend's help (he's a vegan), I've already been exploring the wonderful world of meat substitutes. He's the best cook, by the way. He's helped me learn how to make simple dishes that I originally had no idea how to make. I think last year was when he introduced me to sushi, but of course my favorite kinds since then have been veggie and sweet potato sushi, anyway, so I didn't have to give anything up, there. Trying new restaurants and new meatless options has been quite an adventure, so far. So yes, I've been a vegetarian for three months now!
I also appreciate that a few of my friends are vegetarians and vegans, so going out to eat with them is judgement-free and it really is a fun bond to share. I love talking to my friend Dana about vegan options (although I might just stick to being a vegetarian, but I love hearing her perspective on things!). We went out the other day and ate at my new favorite joint, Osaka. Their food is off the charts! She encouraged me to try edamame (which was a first, for me). And their tofu is excellent. I also love this place in Kettering called KupBop. I guess I'm just enjoying Japanese and Korean restaurants at the moment. Everything is just so fresh and delicious!
I've had a newfound confidence in this second half of the summer after my trip to South Carolina. I still miss it so much! I won't talk about it too much, only because I already wrote a ton about it here. But I just want to say that I feel more of a closeness to my boyfriend than I already did. Now that I've faced a fear as big as this with him by my side, I feel way more calm for the start of autumn. I'm excited to spend a third autumn with him, by the way! But yeah, I'm proud of myself and he's also proud of me. And I just really appreciate that he's been there by my side through all of my nervousness before the trip. I already want to go on another trip again, soon! I miss being up in the clouds.
And finally, I want to talk a bit about how school has been going thus far. Because like I mentioned in Current Happenings, I'm only taking design courses this semester, which means I have so many projects due all the time.
I've been arriving to class early every day, turning in all projects on time every day, and getting pretty good grades already! I finally feel like I'm finally starting to succeed in my design major, whereas last year I was unsure about myself. I didn't originally think I had potential, but I'm starting to feel really good about this. Sure, I drive through Dayton a lot through the week, but honestly it's been going really well so far. I'm excited to keep improving through this semester. So far I've been reunited with html code and cascading style sheets. I've also been working hard creating realistic and abstract crops of letter forms and understanding budget plans of printing different types of products. Let's see where this stuff continues to take me!
Thank you guys so much for reading my honest and random summary of this entire summer. I'll probably keep posting updates about my design courses as the semester continues, and of course about how autumn goes with Tyler. I'm feeling good right now. I'm enjoying these last few days of summer, and I've been super inspired with this blog. So you'll see what I've got planned, soon!